


At the end of a barren circle

by Kyriadamorte



Series: Written post-TROS [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, is it wrong to write a fic that's a subtweet of a film that's a subtweet of a film, this is not a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21963370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: Rey doesn’t remember when she started making tallies again.SPOILERS FOR THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Written post-TROS [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584385
Comments: 26
Kudos: 83





	At the end of a barren circle

**Author's Note:**

> This is not really a fix-it fic other than re-framing the ending as the tragedy it is. I'm working on one that's closer to actually fitting that label, but that's not what this is.

Rey doesn’t remember when she started making tallies again.

It has to have been after that first dry season that she spent digging sand out of the burnt out old homestead. She eventually takes up residence in what she learns is Luke’s room. After taking on his mantle in every other way, this seems fitting.

He finds it amusing at first, tells her stories of his exploits as a child, as fond of his own voice as he ever was in life. But, after a while, even he notices that she hasn’t really changed anything. There is nothing of Rey on any of these walls. She hasn’t even bothered to scrub away the burn marks.

“You don’t have to stay here, you know. You should go back and be with your friends.”

Can’t do that. She’d sent BB-8 back by themself after wiping their memory banks of her whereabouts. She’s got no ship and no real money. None of them know where she is. She doubts any of them would even be able to guess. It’s better this way.

“Rey, I already did this. You  _ saw _ me do this. It wasn’t- This isn’t the right choice.”

Finn has finally stopped calling out to her. On the rare occasion she lets herself think of him, she sees Rose’s brilliant smile and tiny hands in his. She sees him and Jannah huddled over tea and datapads and plans, plans, plans. He’s standing on his own now and she’s so proud and happy for him her heart could burst.  _ Fly, fly, fly free. _

She would be a chain around his neck, dragging him down.

Her parents dying to save her.

Luke dying to save her.

Leia dying to save her.

Ben dying to save her.

Ben... _ Ben. _

She’s poison. She needs to let Finn be free.

“You don’t need to go back to them, right away,” Leia says when it becomes clear Luke is getting nowhere. She’s always had a gentler approach with Rey than her brother. “But you don’t need to stay here. I’ve got a small house on Naboo; you can stay there for a while. Go somewhere green. Han told me you like that, you know.”

No, she didn’t know. What else had they said about her? Had Han...known?

Their voices start to get worried.

“Rey, you can’t just stay here; this isn’t a life.”

“You want to be like me? Fine. First thing I tried to do from the moment I could fly was get off this rock. I was even willing to join the Empire to do it - not that I really had the first idea about anything at the time. I was ready right up until my aunt and uncle died and I left with Obi-wan.”

She only vaguely remembers who that is.

“Rey!”

When was the last time she spoke?

Luke and Leia aren’t the only ones there. Voices she remembers with faces she does not come and try to cajole her into introspection and reflection and, most importantly, apparently, to just get the fuck off the planet.

_ You weren’t there for him. _

_ Why weren’t you there for him? _

_ Why must I live and not him? _

Ben’s fingers had been scraped and bleeding from crawling up the cliff on his own. When she closes her eyes, she can still feel his torn skin on her face. He’d spent a lifetime of crawling up on his own with weights tied around his soul and not a single voice from the beyond had bothered. She doesn’t have to ask to know and she cannot bear to hear the platitudes she knows would be forthcoming.

_ I could not care less what you have to say to me. I’ve been your messiah; now let me rest. _

The chorus of voices grows larger. But not the one she wants. Never the one she wants.

For anyone else, it might have driven them mad. Who knows, perhaps it does with her as well and there’s simply no living person left to see it. But Rey has had a lifetime of living with ghosts and avoiding truths she does not want to hear.

She couldn’t really tell you when they were finally gone.

The tallies start soon after.

**Author's Note:**

> This might be the first in a series of post-TROS vaguely canon compliant fics that all fit loosely in the same universe.


End file.
